Whitehouse Is On Lockdown According to DC Police

Washington, D.C.: 20 May 2016, Washington, D.C., police announced that the Whitehouse–yes, the home of the US President–was on temporary lockdown following an armed robbery in downtown DC. According to detectives on the scene at the Whitehouse, surveillance video taken from the convenience store that was robbed showed a tall, slender, graying African-American male who was in possession of two purloined six-packs of America’s Beer (the new name for a yellowish, piss-tasting beverage once known as Budweiser) as he sprinted from the parking lot. A clerk at the store identified mugshots of one Barrack Obama as the likely perpetrator of the heinous crime.

Police say Obama will be released to attend to his normal duties as soon as his whereabouts at the time of the robbery can be satisfactorily ascertained. None of his family members have been detained as of the latest police news release.

Putative GOP Presidential Nominee The Donald Trump says likely Obama will be deported to Africa once his guilt is proven as the subject has been unable to satisfactorily prove his US citizenship.

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