Add Lip Gloss and Electoral Votes to a Cochina…Yeah…Still the Same…

Thought for the New Year: Add lip gloss to a cochina, provide it with a sufficient number of Electoral College votes to be ordained in high office…and underneath the makeup one discovers…yeah…same old, same old.

My apologies to Associated Press for purloining the above image then modifying it. Further apologies to the genus Sus and the many even-toed ungulates within the Suidae family for comparing their habits to the creature depicted in the above image.

New US $10 Bill

The New US $10 Bill is on it’s way: a woman will grace the currency and the choice of who we’ll see on the paper is up to us! Treasurer of the Untied States–no, that isn’t a typo–says we–the US bill payer, not $10 Bill, the former President–will get to choose our new $10 woman. Jesus, I haven’t had a $10 woman since I went through jump school at Fort Benning, Georgia, back in the ’60s. Anyway, here we go, unveiling choice number two:


Do you recognize her? A woman who typifies the best in American womanhood, a woman who overcame immense obstacles to become the woman she is today. Yes, Caitlin Jenner is choice number two to grace (no offense intended, Grace…) the new $10 bill.

Choice number three: a young woman who climbed over the still breathing corpses of her parents, a humble couple who labored away in the vineyard of American politics proving that honesty isn’t the best policy, not when you want a whole fucking lot of $10 bills in yer pocket, is Chelsea Clinton. Does Chelsea have a chance against the woman above, a personage who made the cover of magazines from coast to coast. YES! At least in her own mind, because Chelsea believes in the importance of being important and the only important person Chelsea recognizes is the one whose image is on the $10 bill below.


So there’s choice number two and three for the new, feminized, United States $10 bill. What about choice number one? In a contest like this one, there is not fucking first choice and we’re all losers. Note: we didn’t include Michelle Obama in the contest because she’s married to someone working in the US government and she doesn’t look good in black and white. We also left Kim Kartrashian off the list because, well, she’s not interested in small denominations and she’s related to choice number two.


I was just informed that any candidate for adorning the new US $10 Bill must, by law, be deceased. Ded. Expired. No longer among the living. Though I reasoned that both of my candidates might fit this category mentally, I must return to my starting point and choose someone whose heart doesn’t pump out rich, red (or in the Clinton’s case, blue and green) blood. Maybe…Hillary. She’d be hillaryous. Nah, I disqualified her above. Lemme think. Stay tuned.


Enough Is Never Enough Until It’s Too Much


Yep, enough is never enough, particularly here in the quasi-civilized world. Right? All the beer you can drink: $4. I’ll take $12 worth. That’s true of cars, houses, pickup trucks, AR-15 carbines, cellular phones and tablet readers. Who really needs a mobile phone that can, within seconds when 4G or Wi-Fi is available, answer literally any question. What did I eat for lunch? There’s an app for that. Where am I? There’s an app for that. What’s the meaning of my life? Your I-phone 6S N2 (I-phone squared), it’s already on the drawing board, has the answer. Just $9.99 anticipated cost from the Apple Store. Google is looking into the possibility of an app that not only will tell you the meaning of your life but will also link the answer to Facebook, Yelp, Twitter, and I-farted (a startup that’s looking at an IPO early next year).

Of course the Enough is Never Enough particularly applies to politics, even in little backwater boroughs such as the one where I live. We have an election this fall and hopefully we’ll be blessed with new and better council members and, even better, a new and much better mayor. Unfortunately, the likelihood of such an outcome ranks up there with the probability that the next year will see me grow younger, taller, smarter and much more attractive to the early 20 group of young women who hang out at Scottsdale’s watering holes.

I would write that my faith in the system took another dip but bottomed out is where it’s been for years. Anyway, one of our council resigned in order to campaign for mayor. OK, the remaining council members had an opportunity to appoint someone to the open seat, a job that will last until this coming fall. For once, we had a choice of applicants:  an architect, a retired USAF Lt. Col., a lawyer and a 77 year old retired swimming pool salesman who in past years has advocated for the city developing a space port as an answer to our economic doldrums.

Who did the council choose?

I wonder when construction will begin on the fucking space port.